Saturday, May 18, 2013

Friday Night Smackdown, 5/17/13: Challenge of the Super Friends

Allow me to indulge my invincible superiority complex and lecture WWE on how to do its job. They have handled the Fandango vs. Jericho feud better than they have other feuds in recent months. The old WWF, and especially WCW, knew how to build up these conflicts. The key is to have the heel get the better of the face more often than not on TV. The heel should win dirty, insult the fans, enrage the face, and be an all around terrible-horrible-no good-very bad man. That way everyone is eager to purchase the PPV so they can see the heel get his richly deserved comeuppance. Fandango and Jericho have gone back and forth, but Fandango has gotten the better of Jericho in numerous encounters on free TV. Their dance off was silly but WWE managed to get it right by having Summer Rae get in on humiliating Jericho. I am quite confident that Jericho will win on Sunday, and I'm okay with that. He and Fandango have had a good run, and he's helped Fandango get over. As much as that gimmick can get over anyway.

The rest of the roster is a different story. It feels like every week we see the Super Friends (Cena, Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Randy Orton) beat up on the Legion of Doom (Ryback, Mark Henry, Jack Swagger, and Big Show.) At least on the cartoon show you got the impression that the Legion could be a serious threat. Heck, in one episode they succeeded in destroying the world before time traveling aliens set things right.

The show opened with the return of WWE cramming the Miz down our throats with Miz TV. He began by allowing Big Show and Randy Orton to yell at each other. Like a Super Friends roll call, one by one Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry, and Sheamus all came down to the ring to trash talk each other. Well, Sheamus horse whipped Mark Henry with a leather strap and cleared the ring. Sheamus should just stop talking all together and just vigorously whip his opponents instead of cracking lame jokes. They went to commercial break. I was amazed, astonished, flabbergasted, thunderstruck. Six men in the ring on Smackdown? All became right with the world when they returned from break. Guess who came out?

That's the Smackdown I know and love. Teddy must be slowing down as he gets older. Backstage he's talking to Miz when Damian Sandow appears and demands his own show. MAKE IT HAPPEN WWE.

Cesaro vs. Jericho was a good match. Zeb Colter gave his first "We the People" promo in a long time. Again, WWE wants us to think of Colter and Swagger as Ugly American style heels, but I found myself nodding in agreement with Dirty Dutch as he railed against the latest government scandals and millions of Americans being out of work. Being extreme is the only sane response to an extreme world, he said. Hell yeah!

The Miz vs. Sandow was another good match. Cody Rhodes noticed the crowd was dead so he got on the mic halfway through the match to demand that they show some respect for the intellectual savior of the unwashed masses. Sandow deserves a push. He's good in the ring and awesome on the mic, much more so than the Miz. Josh Mathews compared Sandow to General Zod. "KNEEL!" should become one of his catch phrases.

Next was a Divas match between Kaitlyn and Aksana. I don't think the announcers talked about the match going on in the ring at all while it was happening. Why does WWE do this to their own female superstars? They must regret giving John Laurinaitis so much money.

I didn't pay as much attention to the six man tag match just because I've grown tired of seeing these same six guys in the same matches week after week. I'm still not convinced to buy the PPV tomorrow. Spoiler alert: Brock Lesnar wins, John Cena wins, Chris Jericho wins, ADR wins, Sheamus wins, Orton wins, and every member of the Shield wins.

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