Saturday, May 25, 2013

Friday Night Smackdown, 5/24/13: Whadda maneuver!

I am pleased, very pleased indeed, that Damian Sandow got significant time on the mic. He challenged the mouth breathing troglodytes of the WWE universe to untie the Gordian knot. The insufferable ignoramus Matt Stryker was not up to the task. The missing link known as Sheamus could not do it either. In a stroke of genius, Sandow cut the Gordian knot himself and avoided an incoming Brogue Kick. Well done WWE, well done. Please give Sandow a regular show. That one segment was much, much better than anything that's ever been done on Miz TV. I hope this is the start of a feud with Sheamus. Sandow needs to resume his singles career and be given more time for promos. I feel smarter just listening to him.

I think it's generally agreed that the current WWE commentary teams are terrible. JBL does the best he can with the material he has to work with, but Michael Cole is awful. Jerry Lawler was effectively neutered when he turned face, and it's obvious he doesn't care about the product anymore. Josh Matthews is a nonentity. Listening to them last night made me reminisce about previous commentary teams. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are deservedly known as the greatest broadcast team in professional wrestling history. When I first started watching wrestling, Vince McMahon was known as a baby face commentator. I have fond memories of Vince's partnership with Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Jerry Lawler. He wasn't the best commentator but his enthusiastic delivery made up for his spotty knowledge of wrestling techniques. "Whadda maneuver! OH a devastating maneuver! ONE TWO WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPI... no we don't." Every week I heard him open the show with "Welcome everrrrryone to Mooondaaaaay Niiiiiight Rrrrrrrraaaaaaawwwww!" Vince marked out for Shawn Michaels the way JR did for Stone Cold Steve Austin. I remember being disappointed at first when Vince left the broadcast team to begin his Mr. McMahon persona, but I got over it quickly. His commentary skills have declined to be sure. Michael Cole receives a lot of well deserved heat for his performance, but he's only repeating what Vince is squawking at him through his headset.

Poor Wade Barrett. Who did that guy piss off in creative? He lost his title at Wrestlemania and won it back the next night, but since then he's lost every non-title match. Even when he's in a title match he can't win clean. It looks like he'll be feuding with both Miz and Fandango. Who even cares about the IC title anymore? If I were a wrestler I wouldn't touch the IC belt with a ten foot pole. WWE books it so that the IC champion is a jobber to the stars.

Speaking of jobbers, Jack Swagger got a jobber entrance for his match with Daniel Bryan. Bryan's new gimmick is trying to prove to himself that he's not the weak link. You've convinced me sir! I stand by what I said earlier this week: Bryan is the most talented wrestler on the roster and he is gold on the mic. He snapped and put the No Lock on Swagger again after the match ended. You know the dude's got problems when Kane is the voice of reason.

Kofi Kingston got his rematch with Dean Ambrose. Rollins and Reigns interfere, Kofi wins by disqualification, and the Shield are doing their thing when Sheamus and Randy Orton come to the rescue. Brace yourselves...


Teddy Long and the Shield are a match made in heaven. This six man tag team match wasn't as awesome as Raw's, but it was still a worthy main event. Let us all pray the Shield's guardian angel continues to watch out for them in creative.

Curt Axel squashed Sin Cara. All jokes aside, Axel is a talented wrestler. He can't give a promo to save his life, but that's what Paul Heyman is for. I'm glad he's getting a second chance.

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