Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Monday Night Raw, 7/8/13: The Bray Wyatt Project

This was the go home Raw before Money in the Bank. Nothing can top the Raw after WrestleMania so that makes last night's episode the second best Raw of the year. Great, great show. I was watching all by myself in the privacy of my own dingy pizza-box-and-beer-can cluttered home but I still chanted "THIS IS AWESOME." There was not one bad match the entire night. To help you think about what that means, one of the matches was Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns vs. Tons of Funk. Rollins and Reigns are officially broomstick guys because yes, even that match was good. I was astonished, pleasantly so, that Daniel Bryan won clean over Sheamus and CM Punk won clean over Randy Orton. I cannot recall the last time Sheamus lost clean on a non-PPV show.

For some reason, Zeb Colter saying that he can't understand a word Wade Barrett says is funnier than it has any right to be. I laughed out loud when Barrett knocked Fandango the f*** out. "Don't say it!" "Don't even think about it!"

Michael McGillicutty looked a little different last night:


Afterward, Christian went in the back and did a crotch chop in Kevin Dunn's face. I'm amazed they had the old McGillicutty Titantron ready to go like that.

The Vickie Guererro job evaluation brought the show's momentum to a screeching halt. Rumor has it the McMahon family drama is going to be an angle that runs all the way to next year's WrestleMania. Confirming my opinion that democracy simply doesn't work, the WWE universe voted to fire Vickie. Why does WWE insult my towering intellect this way? I live on the west coast so my vote doesn't matter as Raw is already over by the time it airs out here. Congratulations wrestling fans, you just put a widow out on the street. Good lord did that segment drag. Vickie didn't even get a Vince McMahon style "URRRRR FAAAAAHRD." But the segment was redeemed. Its sins were as scarlet but it was made white as snow by the naming of Brad Maddox as Raw General Manager. The Brickie Era is over. The Mad Ox regime has begun. This is the start of the Braditude Era. Well played WWE.

I actually hope Vickie doesn't return to television for a while and that there's no storyline development out of her farewell hug with Ryback. That would make it all the funnier. "HUG ME MORE!" I wouldn't be surprised if Ryback gets Wellnessed soon.

But the big story of the night was the debut of the Wyatt family. That segment alone was worth the price of admission. That is the most well done debut I've seen in years. All throughout the night they aired more segments of a reporter visiting the Wyatt family compound. It was reminiscent of the Blair Witch Project, and I kept expecting to see them end with the reporter standing with his face in the corner. Finally they whispered "We're here." The arena went dark. They came down to the ring by lantern light. It was a bit silly for Bray to blow out an electric lantern but when the lights came up his minions beat up Kane. I hope they spend the next few weeks randomly beating people up instead of their first feud being with Kane. I've got high hopes for these guys. Even if WWE turns Bray Wyatt into a lower mid-card guy by putting him with Tons of Funk as the new incarnation of the Oddities, that debut will go down as one of the best ever. It's a pity the smarks in attendance chanted "Husky Harris" but I've heard from people who were there that those chants were quickly drowned out with "THAT WAS AWESOME." Yes it was WWE, yes it was. Keep it up.

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