Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Monday Night Raw, 1/13/14: Phoning it in

Last night's Raw was undoubtedly one of the strangest I've watched in years. There were almost no promos at all. The night began with the Usos getting a jobber entrance and taking on Bray Wyatt and Daniel Bryan. It quickly ended with DQ silliness, only to be rescheduled later that night as a steel cage match. It was to be an old fashioned steel cage match where you have to climb over it to escape the ring. That's kind of silly when we're talking about tag teams, but WWE writers. Daniel Bryan apparently had joined the Wyatt family two weeks ago.

John Cena vs. Damien Sandow: we have to give Super Cena another opportunity to prove how STRONG he is and how he can OVERCOME THE ODDS. The outcome was a foregone conclusion, but the match itself was decent. Sandow got to look good.

Korporate Kane decided to feed Kofi Kingston, who hasn't done a promo in like five years, to Randy Orton. But then Kingston won, and won clean. Anything can happen in the World Wrestling Entertainment! Orton took out his rage on John Cena's dad sitting at ringside. How many times has Cena's dad been beaten up now? He should probably take some boxing lessons or something.

The New Age Outlaws abandoned CM Punk to the tender mercies of the Shield. It's pretty ironic that Degeneration X is now the establishment. Art imitates life indeed.

I'm astounded that Ultimate Warrior is being inducted into the Hall of Fame. I hope that is acceptance speech is like one of his old promos: "YOU WILL NEED AN ENERGON CUBE THE SIZE OF WYOMING TO DEFEAT ME AND MY AUTOBOTS HO KOGAN! GRAB THE CONTROLS AND SEND YOUR PLANE INTO A NOSEDIVE HO KOGAN! MY WARRIORS ONLY BREATHE THE AIR THAT IS RIFE WITH THE STING OF BATTLE HO KOGAN!"

Daniel Bryan turned on Bray Wyatt after losing to the Usos again. That was an Attitude Era pop. That wide shot of everyone in the arena doing the YES chant was awe inspiring. That is a Stone Cold Steve Austin level of getting over. It makes me wonder if it was the kayfabe plan of Bryan to betray Wyatt all along, or if the WWE writers saw that that angle was going nowhere and decided to abort it with an epic finish. The end of last night's Raw redeemed almost the whole three hours. I'm glad I didn't tap out before 11:05 pm.

Truthfully, I'm still marking out over the return of Jake "The Snake" Roberts last week. I'm willing to overlook a one off night. This time. Next week is the go home show before the Royal Rumble, so I hope it's better than last night's example of the writers phoning it in.

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