Saturday, April 5, 2014

Bright lights, hype crowd, tonight's the night

Tonight at the 2014 WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony, the Ultimate Warrior will once again be in front of a live mic on WWE television:


"THE PURPLE FLAPJAW FROM THE NEGATIVE ZONE JUMPED OVER THE FROOMIUS BANDERSNATCH HO KOGAN! MY AUTOBOTS AND I NEED SCISSORS HO KOGAN! SIXTY ONE!"

If Warrior starts to go off message in his acceptance speech, he'll be struck with nausea and begin projectile vomiting. Vince McMahon and Papa Shango will nod to each other. Papa Shango will be there. It is New Orleans after all.

For the last several years it's been easy to predict how the WWE would end all of their pay-per-views: they'll go with the blandest and simultaneously most nonsensical finish they can, and then do it the way it should have been done on Raw the next night. This is the first time in a long time where I really can't guess how these matches will go, and I love it.

Stone Cold Steve Austin has confirmed his Wrestlemania XXX appearance. The glass will break:


The fans will cheer, and Stone Cold will drive his ATV down to the ring where he will deliver Stone Cold Stunners to every woman on the roster. He'll begin his triumphant reign as your new WWE Divas champion.

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