Thursday, July 24, 2014

A Modest Proposal for the Children of Poor Latin Americans

The continuing invasion at the US's southern border has inspired me to pen a modest proposal which I believe will be beneficial to all the peoples of the Western hemisphere and solve the perennial immigration crises which plague our great nation.

The solution is elegant in its simplicity. For decades, Mexicans and now Central Americans have been illegally flocking to the United States in the hopes of making a better life for themselves and their posterity. I needn't belabor the reality of illegal immigration: they beggar themselves to be smuggled over the border by ruthless Coyotes only to find that the dramatically increased costs of living in the United States often leaves them in grinding poverty. Their remittances, while at first glance beneficial to their families back home, often lead to gross inflation and destruction of local property values. Yet still they come. What I propose is we should come to them.

The United States should immediately declare war on Mexico and all the nations of Central America. Deploy the full might of our armed forces and wage unrelenting warfare upon them until they unconditionally surrender. With this accomplished, the ground invasion of these nations will commence. At the point of a bayonet, we will annex all of them and incorporate them into our benevolent empire of American liberty and prosperity. By conquering their countries and forcibly integrating them into the Greater United States, they will all become American subjects under our management. There will no longer be any pressing need for them to illegally enter the continental United States.

I know, my genius has rendered you speechless. You can thank me later once the Stars and Stripes triumphantly wave over Mexico City and the other Latin American capitols.

No comments:

Post a Comment