Tuesday, July 29, 2014

"Nice guys are the scum of the earth!"

Science confirms what every man learns in high school:
Scientifically, nice (heterosexual) guys might actually finish last. A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin recently found that while men were attracted to nice-seeming women upon meeting them, women did not feel the same way about men. Researchers from the University of Rochester, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and the Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya in Israel investigated a possible mechanism explaining why women and men differ in their sexual reactions with receptive opposite-sex strangers.
Men prefer nice ladies to cold, masculinized broads, women prefer stoic types and not weepy emotional betas... there's something to offend the whole politically correct family.
“Women may perceive a responsive stranger as less desirable for different reasons," said Birnbaum in a press release. "Women may perceive this person as inappropriately nice and manipulative (i.e., trying to obtain sexual favors) or eager to please, perhaps even as desperate, and therefore less sexually appealing. Alternatively, women may perceive a responsive man as vulnerable and less dominant.”
So for now, the question “what do women want?” will remain unanswered. 
You almost have to pity the nice guy. He's been raised from birth to believe that he should be a perfect gentleman, that he should meet his woman's emotional needs, that he should be sweet and caring and sensitive and wear his own emotions on his sleeves, that he should respect her boundaries, pay for everything, and if he's just a goldarn pussy cat then surely she will come to her senses and see him for the wonderful, wonderful man he is on the inside and agree to marry him where they will live happily ever after.

Now imagine how bewildered and frustrated his delicate soul gets when the real world doesn't play out according to the script he was read as a child. If anything, women despise the nice guy more than they do the cad. They call the nice guy everything from a potential rapist, to a liar, a hypocrite, a creep, to being worse than Hitler, Stalin, and the Dark Lord Sauron rolled into one. And God help him if he complains. Women will shriek that he's a fraud who's only nice because he wants sex. Men will call him a whiny chump. And the nice guy remains in the dark, wondering what he did wrong and why everyone hates him so.

Clearly we need to distinguish between nice guys and "nice guys." I think the best way is to teach men to be good instead of nice. There's some overlap between the two, but they don't mean the same thing. When science confirms and players state that "women dig jerks," it's important to distinguish what we mean by jerk. Being a jerk doesn't mean being vicious or cruel. It means being a bit cold, a little distant, and enormously confident in the rightness of your cause. You have to make the judgment call of how much jerkiness is required with a particular woman.

I once had nice guy tendencies as a teenager. I quickly learned that they weren't getting me anywhere with girls. So instead of complaining about how women just didn't recognize my own niceness, I stopped being nice. I wasn't mean or rude, but I made it quite clear that I cared not a rat's ass for the feelings or opinions of others if they stood in the way of my plans. Once I stopped caring about others, whatever problems with women I once had vanished almost overnight. Let reason remain silent when it is gainsaid by experience.

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