Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Beefy Levinson's tips on getting the job

So you've just graduated from high school or college, or maybe you're a bit older and you've quit, been laid off, or gotten fired from your most recent job. What to do now? My first question to you would be, "WTF?" What are you thinking, applying for some bullshit job with a faceless corporation or some namby-pamby non-profit?

In all seriousness, there's no shame in being an employee if that's what you want to do and it makes you happy. Very few human beings ever find gainful employment that they also enjoy for its own sake. I know professional musicians who love jamming for free at a friend or family's birthday party, but I don't know any white collar workers who design spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations for fun. Are you happy working for a big company that offers good pay and benefits, and gives you enough time off to spend with the family or pick up chicks or read books or lift weights or whatever it is you like to do? If your company is actually like that, you are a rare bird indeed.

What about the 70% of Americans who hate their jobs? I feel bad for my peers. My Bachelor's degree is worthless, but I didn't go into debt to acquire it so I'm much better off than those poor saps who majored in English, graduated with mortgage levels of debt and are now working at Starbucks. In World War II, we took 18 year old draftees and turned them into pilots, tank drivers, and submariners within a few months or weeks of training. Today a Bachelor's degree is required, Master's preferred, not because most jobs require that amount of education, but because employers want a convenient method of screening out resumes.

Our parents grew up in a time when you got your first grown up job at 22 and you stayed with that company for the rest of your life. Baby Boomers interpret "job hopping" as a sign of immaturity or unreliability. I see it as another example of men responding rationally to the incentives offered by the real world. It doesn't matter what skills you have or how long you've been with the company: your employer sees you as an expensive liability he'd sooner do without. Employees pick up on this. Their boss has no loyalty to them so why should they show any loyalty in return?

That's why job interviews, especially those conducted by HR, tend to be such meaningless posturing. "Why do you want to work here?" they ask, or something similar. Let's speak truly here: I want to work here for the money. You want to hire me because you need labor. Do you seriously think I or anyone else wants to work here for the brown nosing, the ass kissing, the office politics, the multiculti horseshit or any of the other progressive joys you have to offer? You want me to be motivated and energetic? Pay me handsomely and promptly.

If you think my language or my attitude would be a hindrance in job searching, you'd be surprised. Every job I've ever had working for someone else, I got it by sidestepping the usual channels. For example, I'm sure my five loyal readers know of the Taleo system. The company asks you to upload your resume... and then they want you to type the same information into their application template so it can get run through their SEO algorithms. HR is comprised entirely of ditzy broads with useless degrees and useless jobs who are too lazy or too ignorant to read resumes themselves so they run them through the computer to search for all the right key words.

Don't waste your time with Taleo resumes. You're throwing away 20-30 minutes on a job you'll never get anyway. One of my jobs during college was at Longs Drugs. I walked in one morning and said, "Here's my resume."
"Oh, well, if you just go to our website we have an online appli..."
"I don't do online applications. Let me speak to your hiring manager. Or the store owner." So I appeared before both in turn. They both asked me, "Why do you want to work here?" I replied, "I need money for college." And that was that. I got the job. It was actually during my time at Longs Drugs that I invented the pseudonym Beefy Levinson, a story I'll share another time. I left right around the time it transitioned to CVS. My friends tell me I got out at just the right time. But no matter what kind of job you're applying for, you'll get further with bluntness and erring on the side of being downright rude.

I've noticed that the manosphere is very high on self-employment, entrepreneurship, starting your own business. Many writers understate the difficulties in being an entrepreneur and a lot of anklebiters in the comments blow those difficulties way out of proportion, saying you are doomed, doomed to failure. The truth lies between the two extremes. Yes it's hard to become self-employed. But one thing to keep in mind is that if an employer is paying you to do something, other people would be willing to pay you too if you went into business for yourself. Self-employment requires a lot more discipline and dedication than a corporate job you can phone in. Not all men are cut out to be entrepreneurs, and that's okay. It's a high-risk high-reward lifestyle which can be enormously stressful if you have young children to feed.

If you're happy working as an employee, good for you. Keep doing that. If you're one of the 70% of Americans who actively hate their job, then why are you wasting your life in a two hour round trip commute in heavy traffic to sit in front of a computer for 8.5 hours a day, 5 days a week though it often rises to 60 or more hours a week? Do you really need that giant house, that new car, those fancy clothes, those expensive vacations, that eating out with all the booze and psychotropic drugs?

1 comment:

  1. I believe the average soldier during the Second World War was around 25 years old. In the Vietnan War it was closer to 18.

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